For Mae

For Mae,
We call you Mae, but technically, we don't know if you were a girl or not. We never got that chance to meet you, to know you, or to name you correctly. But the day we lost you, I told your dad "let's call her Mae."
I don't know why, but naming you was important to me. Maybe it was because I never got a chance to do much for you. In fact, the only other thing I did for you was I bought you a onesie. That was it. Again, I never got the chance for anything else.

Four Adjustments I Had to Make to Go Back to Work

Well, I've been back to work for three weeks now. We've had a few bumps in the road my toddler and I. And I guess my husband and I have also had a few bumps in the road.
Being a stay-at-home mom/wife meant I was doing a lot of things that I wouldn't normally do as a working mom/wife... like chores. I was the primary workhorse in the house and now that I was working outside of the house, it meant splitting up the chores more evenly between my husband and me. But I learned quickly that there were many more adjustments I had to make in order to be successful in my working journey.

A New Journey: Going Back to Work

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind... a stressful whirlwind at that. And a whirlwind of emotions. It’s been wild, to simplify. My husband and I had many hours of talk, and we decided I would go back to work.

When I started staying home, it made sense at that time. We were moving from one state to another with an 18-month-old. He had received a job offer, and even though I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted to quit working, we both knew that it would be easier for me to stay home with our boy at first (or at least until I had decided what I wanted to do). Financially, it worked, it was tight, but we were able to survive and still have money for savings or fun. 

I’m glad I didn’t go back to work at that time because we ended up moving to Colorado after only being in New York for a few months. And again, it just made sense to stay home with our boy until we got settled AND until I decided what I wanted to do.

Things I Crave: Spring Florals

 

This is the first Things I Crave post! I wanted to share with my readers awesome things I have found in the world. I will do a Things I Crave post at least once a month.

The "things" will range from products, music, TV shows or even things I find when I'm out & about in the world. I thought this would also be a great way to highlight great products, especially from small crafters selling their homemade goods.

5 Little-Known Ways to Relax

Ugh! Life can be overwhelming & stressful. Add in responsibilities... job, wife, mother, dishes, food... and it can be too much sometimes.

Everyone has heard of meditation, hot showers, petting zoos and more to relax. Today I'd like to share 5 Little-Known Ways to Relax. They work for me, and I know they will work for you too.

10 Offbeat Romantic Movies to Watch on Valentine's Day

I love movies. And often, I love the weird, offbeat movies more than anything. So I decided to share a list of romantic movies that doesn't include The Notebook (I'm not judging if you like The Notebook, it's just not for me).
This list is perfect for helping you decide on a great movie to see with your sweetheart on Valentine's Day. I'm sure if you're like me, you'll spend your Valentine's Day sitting at home (hoping your child will stay asleep so you and your sugar-lips can cuddle). I'm sure you'll find a great movie on this list to entertain you both.

My Winter Neighborhood

I like snow. There... that was my deepest, darkest confession. Most people I know, hate it, but I like the cold, crunchy piles of Winter. I've been looking forward to snow in Colorado. I knew it would be beautiful!
Then, this past weekend, I got my wish! It wasn't just a powdered-sugar dusting of snow... we got some inches!! Almost immediately, it started to melt away and I thought I'd share a few pictures of my area.

Our Favorite Bedtime Books

My kiddo loves books! And he always has. Even as a baby, he'd reach for books before toys. These days, he's found a love for toys, but he still craves stories.
Today I thought I'd share our favorite bedtime books. Not only does my toddler love these books, but I do too. These stories have a common bedtime theme and help calm my toddler, easing him into our night routine. So, in no particular order:

Tips for the Sick Stay-At-Home Mama

It was the last week of December... I was looking forward to the New Year. I love how the New Year feels like a fresh start and can often be all you need to create a new, healthy habit. I had some super plans... yoga, zoo visits, hanging out with new friends, even a weekend trip.

And then it hit me. I was sick. With a cold.

So I canceled my weekend plans. And put off the yoga. I thought I felt better, but it hit me again. And again and again. Ugh! It was the cold that would never end (in fact, the doc said I had bronchitis).

Suddenly, my whole life felt like it was on hold so I could get better. But wait... not my whole life. I'm a mom. Everyone knows... moms do not get a day off. Especially, a stay-at-home mom with a kiddo too young for school. Damn.

DIY Bohemian Kimono

Lately, I've been trying to bust through my fabric stash. I do have a bunch of small pieces, but I also had a handful of large pieces. A lot of the fabric is meant for clothing... silks, polyester, and chiffons.
What's even crazier is that some of the pieces I bought on a whim... years ago and I still hadn't figured out what to do with them.
I had this beautiful velvet burnout fabric with a rose pattern on it. I knew it would make a lovely blouse or something, but I kept putting it off. Finally, I saw an excellent idea on Pinterest for a kimono. This burnout fabric is perfect for a kimono due to its silky nature. I also decided to add some decorative trim to make a more bohemian look (which is very trendy right now).

Here's what you'll need to DIY your own Bohemian Kimono:

• 1.5 yards of chiffon/lightweight fabric (check this out!)
• 3 yards or more of decorative trim (this is lovely)
• coordinating thread
• sewing machine
• ruler
• marking chalk

Hiatus is over!

You are going to have to forgive me for not keeping up with my blog for four long months!

Here are my excuses for why I've been slacking lately:

1. I moved... that ain't easy, we all know it.
2. I got busy... sure sometimes "busy" meant watching TV, but nonetheless, I was busy.
3. I have a toddler.
4. I wasn't feeling inspired. That's hard to say, but it's the truth. I would think of my blog, but not know what to write.
5. My blog motives were wacky... I've wanted to blog for years, but I don't think I was approaching it correctly. My blog motives have now been refocused.
6. I got pregnant. And then I lost my pregnancy in October at 8 weeks. It was devasting. 
7. I have a lot of family in the area where we moved and we've been traveling to see them. 
8. We all got sick... I'm still a little sick as I type this. 

So... I've had a few bumps in the road. One of the biggest issues was my blog motives. When you first start a blog you see all these awesome examples of blogs and you want to be just like them. But let me tell you firsthand, it takes a lot of time and hard work to get there. There isn't a fast fix to awesome blogger-ness. Some people claim there is, but those are gimmicks. And those gimmicks have helped them be successful. However, I didn't want to be about gimmicks. I want to be real. So refocusing on being real is my priority.

Thank you so much for your patience. I'm glad you're still here for the ride. I have some great stuff planned and the best news of all... it's a real part of me and what I stand for.

Summer Corn: Recipe Roundup

One of the first things my husband got excited about, as we moved closer and closer to our new home in Colorado, was fresh sweet corn. We both lived in Nebraska for a time and the summer sweet corn was one of the highlights of knowing a lot of farmers. My husband even swears that no other corn is as good as Nebraska sweet corn!
We were lucky enough to snag a bunch from my sister-in-law (she comes from a farming family). I don't mind basic corn on the cob, but eventually, I'm going to need something new and exciting to make it through all this corn! So I decided to round-up some delicious corn recipes from around the web.

I love New York... and I will miss it!

Big thanks to my hubby! He took a few of these pictures!

We lived in New York state for a hot minute. And it was great. 

We moved up there because my husband was transferred within his company from our Florida location to an Upstate New York office. I was very excited to move from Florida because I really did not like Florida. I’m a delicate flower (go ahead, laugh) and I was withering in Florida. It was so damn hot… all of the time. I lived in Northern Florida and it took a while to get to an ocean. And even when we got to the ocean, it was so hot on the sand that I didn’t want to be out there. I’m not a fan of water activities (it’s because I’m a Taurus… we like to be on solid ground), so swimming in the big, scary ocean wasn’t my thing. I’m okay with sitting on the beach if it wasn’t a million degrees out… but I’m getting off track. What I’m trying to say is that I couldn’t get out of Florida fast enough. 

Shadows & Sorrow - Part Three

Healing Through Our Miracle

This is part three of a three-part series about the loss of my twins in July 2014. You can read the details about my loss HERE. This three-part series is just my personal reflections on the events and the anniversary of my loss.

Click here to read part one or click here to read part two.

My husband and I have often wondered what would’ve happened to us if Lincoln had never come along. I became pregnant with him only 3 months after our losses. It definitely was not expected, especially since it took so many years and IVF in order to conceive the twins. But Lincoln… he just came out of nowhere. It may have seemed that he came at a very tumultuous time but I think it saved us. It saved us from the grief that was taking over our minds and bodies. 

Knowing I was pregnant caused me to focus on that and not my losses. Mainly, I focused on not losing Lincoln like I lost the twins. I couldn’t bear to lose another child, so I jumped into gear getting a Transabdominal Cerclage to protect against the incompetent cervix that caused me to lose my twins. That plan worked. I had a completely uneventful pregnancy with Lincoln and I made it to my scheduled c-section. Seriously… it was perfection.

I was traumatized, however. I was a wreck during my pregnancy… I over-analyzed every feeling I had and there were many moments of tearful agony. I did see a counselor through my entire pregnancy and it really did help. I also did a lot of grief projects like photography and journaling. 

As a couple, we also started projects and donations in memory of our twins. Anytime we can include them in our day to day lives it makes them more real. That may seem strange… you may be thinking “of course they were real.” But they were here then gone so fast… sometimes you feel like you may have imagined them. Thankfully, there is proof of them all around me. Proof that they did exist and touch our lives (and others lives). That proof is what I cling to. 

And I love to say their names. I love when others say their names. It causes my heart to swell, practically explodes. It means that they are not forgotten. Gone, but never, ever forgotten.

Siobhan Leannan Ashe Aramayo. Our beautiful little girl.

Ronan Orlando Grey Aramayo. Our beautiful little boy.

Siobhan & Ronan

RESOURCES:

My Pinterest Board about Infertility, Infant Loss

https://www.pinterest.com/LifeUnderClover/infertilitypcosinfant-loss/

Still Standing Magazine

http://stillstandingmag.com/

Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death

https://www.mend.org/

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep - photography services

https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

Empty Arms Bereavement Support

http://www.emptyarmsbereavement.org/

Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support

http://nationalshare.org/

Remembering Our Babies on October 15th

http://www.october15th.com/

Grieving Dads

https://grievingdads.com/

Compassionate Friends Support Groups

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/

Subscribe to my Monthly newsletter below:

Shadows & Sorrow - Part Two

A Living Death

This is part two of a three-part series about the loss of my twins in July 2014. You can read the details about my loss HERE. This three-part series is just my personal reflections on the events and the anniversary of my loss.

If you missed part one, click here to read.

There was a time in my life when I thought I’d never have children. The infertility treatments weren’t working and we were running out of money. I had to start preparing my heart for empty arms. So finding out I was pregnant, with twins, was a dream come true. Cliche, I know, but it was. Stupidly, I assumed that pregnant meant I would bring home babies. It was a beautiful ignorance because I never worried while I was pregnant with the twins. I literally enjoyed every single moment. Once I said that I if I knew that I was going to lose the babies, I would still have wanted them. I still would have wanted to be their mother. That positive pregnancy test made me a mother. Finally.

Shadows & Sorrow - Part One

July is a Hard Month for Me

This is part one of a three-part series about the loss of my twins in July 2014. You can read the details about my loss HERE. This three-part series is just my personal reflections on the events and the anniversary of my loss.

It seems like as soon as the calendar changes from June 30th to July 1st the air around me starts to get thick with grief. Just the word “July” conjures up pain. My heart automatically starts to ache. I’m sure a lot of people have this happen to them… there is a time during the year that is your worst, your most painful. Mine is and forever will be, July. 

The Facebook “On  This Day” feature is wonderful, I truly enjoy seeing things I posted in the previous years. But the “On This Day” feature is awful during July. What’s funny is, I don’t avoid it. I still courageously click to see what happened on “whatever” July day it is. And I even read the text or look at the pictures. It’s painful, but I still do it. And after viewing those posts in July 2014, I feel sick, but I still do it the next day. I don’t really understand it. Sure it’s painful, but at the same time they, are my memories.

10 Favorite Cruelty-Free Brands

This post contains affiliate links, which means we receive a commission if you make a purchase using these links. It does not change your cost but helps support the work on this site.

I recently posted about how I went cruelty-free with my beauty and household products. In the post I talked about how much easier it was than I initially expected. You can read that post here.

Now I'd like to share with you 10 favorite cruelty-free brands. I've used theses few brands for a while and really like them... I barely remember what I used before I went cruelty-free.

Fresh Peaches: Recipe Roundup

Ah! Summertime! One of the great things about Summer is the delicious fruits and veggies. One of the not-so-great things about Summer is watching my toddler refuse to eat those delicious fruits and veggies.
I love peaches. And peach flavored stuff! In fact, I could go for a frozen Peach Daquiri right about now. But that requires rum, which I do not have and I don't want to put pants on to go buy some. I recently bought some peaches for us to eat and **surprise, surprise** the toddler doesn't like them. He's nuts! Well, I had to come up with a way to finish these peaches off before they go bad. And I thought I'd share a few of the recipes I found on Pinterest to use fresh peaches.

How I Meal Plan

Life can be crazy sometimes. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that. Add in kids and/or a job and life gets even crazier. I know it's hard enough to take care of myself and make sure I eat a healthy meal, then add in that I’m making meals for other humans (big and small) and meals can get hectic. 

For years now I’ve been meal planning and it has made a huge difference in daily life. First, I don’t have to worry about what we are having for dinner. And I don’t have to worry about if I have all the ingredients for the planned dinner. Plus, I am saving money because I’m not running to the grocery store (or drive-thru) at the last minute. An added bonus is that if I plan well enough, I don’t buy multiples of items. If I ever get lax on my planning (which does happen, I am human) I always seem to end up buying too many bottles of soy sauce or jars of peanut butter. 

Alright, let’s do this!

How I Went Cruelty-Free... and it was easier than I expected!

I don't specifically remember what I saw that gave me my "a-ha" moment, but I remember it was a pin on Pinterest. This was about a year ago and after I read the entire article associated with the pin, I was in shock.
I have always been an animal lover, I've always stood up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves and I've always been conscious of my choices and how they impact the world. But for some reason, I never paid attention to whether the products I used were cruelty-free. This Pinterest pin brought me into the light.

Honestly, at first, I was a little pissed at myself. I could've made changes in my purchases YEARS and YEARS ago! But I had to let that go and make better choices moving forward.
Cruelty-free means that cosmetics and other household products were designed and manufactured without harming animals. I'm not here to convince you to go cruelty-free. I do believe that is a personal decision (much like veganism), but if you are interested in more info about what companies often do to animals, you can Google it.

If you have made the decision to go cruelty-free, like myself, but aren't sure where to start then I am going to tell you what I did after my "a-ha" moment.