Trying to Conceive Again

Long time, no see!

I've posted a new video on my YouTube Channel and it explains where I've been and what I'm up to.

Please check it out.

Stay Tuned...

Big stuff is coming up... my hubby and I have been doing lots of talking.

Plus we have a doctors appointment soon.

After that, we will be making some final decisions and I will make the announcement.

We aren't giving up, we are fighting harder.

Cake of Defeat

Today I received a trifecta of bad news.

And even though any smart woman would prepare for the worst, I still was shocked.

Not only did I get a negative pregnancy test, but Aunt Flo showed up... and my HCG/Beta test results were less than 1ml.

My hubby and I had decided weeks ago that despite the news I was gonna be able to enjoy a little piece of paradise when I found out how our cycle turned out. I'm a big fan of cake, and since I've been on a low-carb diet for months, my choice was to be able to enjoy a piece of cake after hearing my news.

Days ago, I went to the bakery of our grocery store and purchased a single piece of cake, knowing the fate of our cycle would soon be revealed. I tucked it away in our fridge until the right moment.

But this morning, after receiving very bad news, I couldn't stand the thought of that cake.

I wanted so badly for it to be victory cake. I even picked out a tasty version so I could share the victory cake with my husband. In the end (and because I was hungry), I slowly ate my cake of defeat. It was tasty, I'm sure, but I barely noticed.

I'm waiting to hear from my doctor about where to go next. Minus the BFN, my cycle was perfect. I don't know how else to make it better, so I guess we'll try the same meds again and hope our timing works in our favor.

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Herbal Blast

I had a blast from the past today while I was organizing a box of "stuff." Almost none of this "stuff" was worth keeping and I have no idea why it's been around this long. But that is a whole other post.

Anyhow, amongst the stuff (ah, hell, let's just call it junk)... was a bunch of bottled herbal meds. Back when I was trying to conceive using herbals, I took a lot of this stuff daily.

Now if you've never heard of this way of TTC, then you'll think I'm crazy, but I'm not the first woman to do this crap.
And for some, it's worked!!

Just not for me.

I don't exactly remember my regimen or how much I took of what, but I can at least give you the review of what they can do.

From back to front, left to right, these are the ones I tried (and three not pictured):

• Magnesium: I took this to relieve headaches. I've always had headaches due to hormones spikes & dips, so the magnesium helps a little. I also read that any magnesium deficiency is bad for you if you are TTC. So anty up!
• Fish Oil: Fish Oil is just good for you! It can help with cancer, cardio health, mental health, Alzheimer's, Lupus and Parkinson's! I'm sure you've heard of this one before, so this was a big part of my regimen way back when. And now I'm wondering why I still don't take it...
• Vitex/Chaste Berry: Vitex is popular option for infertility because it's suppose to help balance out any wacky hormones. Many people with PCOS have raved about it. It worked a little for me and definitely caused some of those hormone headaches I mentioned earlier.
• Cinnamon: Many PCOS'ers use cinnamon to help with insulin resistance. It is similar to the popular PCOS drug, Metformin.
• Soy Isoflavones: Soy Isoflavones has been called the herbal clomid. And it's taken in a similar manner, usually cycle day (CD) 5-9 then stopped for the rest of the cycle. If you take it the entire cycle it can do the opposite of what you want.
• Evening Primrose Oil: EPO helps produce more fertile quality cervical mucus. EPO should only be taken from menstruation to ovulation. This is because EPO can cause uterine contractions in pregnancy.
• Calcium/Vitamin D: These two are similar to the Fish Oil... they are both just plain-out good for you! And if you're trying to get pregnant, then you obviously want to be your healthiest.
• Wild Yam: Some say that Wild Yam and help increase progesterone. And many others say that it doesn't. I took this for a while but then I switched to Natural Progesterone Cream.
• Natural Progesterone Cream: I did have some luck and my period started a few times with this stuff. It's super thick and you have to rub it into your skin for like two weeks (I forget now, please look it up) and then stop. Then your period will start. And like I said... sometimes, mine did. It has also been used to prevent miscarriage.
• Black Cohosh: This is used toward the beginning of a cycle to balance hormones (estrogen). It should not be used during the luteal phase because of possible miscarriage.

Now... listen carefully here... I am not a doctor! Don't be stupid and take all these pills just because I mentioned them in my blog. Many woman use these herbals sucessfully, but they use them correctly.
If you're interested in trying any of these, do your research!! I spent hours and hours looking up each of these to make sure I was taking them at the right time during my cycle and at the right dose. And there are still allergy issues! So don't be stupid.
If you have any concerns, talk to a doctor. A real one... not an internet one.

Ok, back to my organizing.

What's Happening?

Howdy!

I haven't posted in a while and I figured it's time to wax into some poetry or something. Or not.

Well if you're following my TTC videos on YouTube then you know the gist of what I've been up to. We're trying to make a person! I will upload another video tomorrow so you can see where we are. Check out the videos if you're still behind!

Also I've been cleaning and organizing. We moved into this house in June and right after that we went to Nebraska for my cousin's beautiful wedding... so I didn't start any unpacking until after we got back.

My cousin and her new husband!

So I unpacked the basics and now I'm getting into a cleaning routine and organizing along the way.

We live in a small house. It's a three-bedroom brick and it's set on some nice land in the country... but it's small.

So I'm pulling out all the tricks for making it efficient and clean.

I've been tracking these improvements and over the next few weeks I'll share them here!


Otherwise, I'm just going to my doctor's appointments, cleaning, organizing and trying to conceive (again).

My two dogs (left to right) Hal the Shar-Pit and Cy the Bassett Hound. This is what we do every day... take a long walk to the mailbox & back. They love to go out and run around the place sniffing out critters.

 

TTC Videos

Howdy!

This will be a quickie... if you don't mind.

I'm just letting you all know that I have 4 videos on my YouTube and I've been updating that more than the main blog because right now... that's what we are most focused on.

If you click on the TTC button up there you will find my videos and some other links (helpful if you too are TTC).

So check it out! Subscribe! Comment!

Infertility Etiquette from RESOLVE

This is copied from the RESOLVE website. I'm sharing it all here because it's important... the message is so important. The link to the full article is at the bottom.

Don't Tell Them to Relax

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.

Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.

These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.

Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?

Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.

People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.

Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents

One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.

Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.

The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.

Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."

I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.

Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.

Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.

Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption (Yet)

Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.

You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.

Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.

So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care

The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.

Remember Them on Mother's Day

With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.

Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.

Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments

No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.

Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

Um...

I say "um" a lot. And it turns out I'm not the only one.

I read a few articles about how it's common for English-speaking people to say "um", "er", "ah" while speaking... it's a way to continue what you are saying. It also turns out that it's common in may languages to have a sort of... um... filler between comments.

So... um... on that note, I present my next YouTube video. You will notice I say "um" a lot. It got on my nerves, so I... um... apologize.

Let me know how many "ums" you find... maybe there will be a prize.

REMEMBER... you can see links to all my videos if you click on the TTC button up top there.