Friday, July 14, 2017

Shadows & Sorrow - Part Three

Healing Through Our Miracle

This is part three of a three-part series about the loss of my twins in July 2014. You can read the details about my loss HERE. This three-part series is just my personal reflections on the events and the anniversary of my loss.

Click here to read part one or click here to read part two.

My husband and I have often wondered what would’ve happened to us if Lincoln had never come along. I became pregnant with him only 3 months after our losses. It definitely was not expected, especially since it took so many years and IVF in order to conceive the twins. But Lincoln… he just came out of nowhere. It may have seemed that he came at a very tumultuous time but I think it saved us. It saved us from the grief that was taking over our minds and bodies. 

Knowing I was pregnant caused me to focus on that and not my losses. Mainly, I focused on not losing Lincoln like I lost the twins. I couldn’t bear to lose another child, so I jumped into gear getting a Transabdominal Cerclage to protect against the incompetent cervix that caused me to lose my twins. That plan worked. I had a completely uneventful pregnancy with Lincoln and I made it to my scheduled c-section. Seriously… it was perfection.

I was traumatized, however. I was a wreck during my pregnancy… I over-analyzed every feeling I had and there were many moments of tearful agony. I did see a counselor through my entire pregnancy and it really did help. I also did a lot of grief projects like photography and journaling. 

As a couple, we also started projects and donations in memory of our twins. Anytime we can include them in our day to day lives it makes them more real. That may seem strange… you may be thinking “of course they were real.” But they were here then gone so fast… sometimes you feel like you may have imagined them. Thankfully, there is proof of them all around me. Proof that they did exist and touch our lives (and others lives). That proof is what I cling to. 

And I love to say their names. I love when others say their names. It causes my heart to swell, practically explodes. It means that they are not forgotten. Gone, but never, ever forgotten.

Siobhan Leannan Ashe Aramayo. Our beautiful little girl.

Ronan Orlando Grey Aramayo. Our beautiful little boy.

Siobhan & Ronan


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