Saturday, September 13, 2014

Week Three: Illuminate (gaining a new perspective)

This week's lesson is a little late because it has been raining so much!
But it was about gaining a new perspective. I had to walk 100 steps, stop and take a picture of wherever I ended up. I went downtown to take these pics.

Below are my pics and my journal entry "I am grateful for..."

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Week Two: Illuminate (using light to create mood)

This week's lesson was about light. While taking my photos I was able to learn more about the camera because I'd take the picture and the lighting wouldn't be right. So I had to mess with the settings in order to get the shot I wanted. 

In conclusion, this was a great technical lesson for me this week. I'm hoping it helps me get better and better and taking photos. My journal entry is below...

Kitchen Light

Find Your Light

Darkness seems to bring on stronger feelings of grief. In darkness, I find that the uglier side of my grief seems to come easier. Strong feelings of guilt and anger take hold. I start to blame myself for everything that happened to my babies. 

I feel grief in the light too but it seems to be a different side of grief. Usually I’m seeing how beautiful the world is or how beautiful my love is for my babies… this makes me sad and alone. It makes me wish they were still here so they could see the beauty for themselves.

I guess the only times I see glimmers of the sun peeking through my grief is when I think about how happy I was to even be pregnant with my babies. I still cry but I swell with pride of ever having them at all. I’m still proud that I had Siobhán and Rónán even if they died in the end. I would never want to not have them just to escape the pain I’m feeling now.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Week One: Illuminate (telling your story through self-portraiture)

Below is my Week One assignment for the Illuminate photography class I started. I found the letter to my babies hard, but I made it through with some tears to spare.

The idea for the photos came easily... I basically had the maternity photo shoot I was never able to complete while pregnant. Instead of cradling my growing belly, I held my babies urn or their memory boxes. The dress I wore was the very dress I purchased to take my photos in... I bought it just a few weeks before I went in to the hospital for the first time and lost our daughter, Siobhán.

Below are my photos and the letter to my babies.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I've Joined A Photography Class

I'm a grieving mother. My babies passed away only a few weeks ago.

And it hurts so, so badly.

I've been searching the internet for relief. I've found quite a few great resources I can turn to during my time of need.

Recently, I came across Illuminate. Illuminate is a four-week photography class focused on the grief from infant loss.

At first, probably out of fear, I just looked at the above link. A few days later I actually signed up. And yesterday I received my first assignment. So I guess I'm doing this.

I'll be posting my assignments here to save & read for the rest of my blog life.

Wish me luck... I'm guessing there is going be a lot of crying in the next four weeks.