Sunday, August 31, 2014

Week Two: Illuminate (using light to create mood)

This week's lesson was about light. While taking my photos I was able to learn more about the camera because I'd take the picture and the lighting wouldn't be right. So I had to mess with the settings in order to get the shot I wanted. 

In conclusion, this was a great technical lesson for me this week. I'm hoping it helps me get better and better and taking photos. My journal entry is below...

Kitchen Light

Find Your Light

Darkness seems to bring on stronger feelings of grief. In darkness, I find that the uglier side of my grief seems to come easier. Strong feelings of guilt and anger take hold. I start to blame myself for everything that happened to my babies. 

I feel grief in the light too but it seems to be a different side of grief. Usually I’m seeing how beautiful the world is or how beautiful my love is for my babies… this makes me sad and alone. It makes me wish they were still here so they could see the beauty for themselves.

I guess the only times I see glimmers of the sun peeking through my grief is when I think about how happy I was to even be pregnant with my babies. I still cry but I swell with pride of ever having them at all. I’m still proud that I had Siobhán and Rónán even if they died in the end. I would never want to not have them just to escape the pain I’m feeling now.

My life, right now, does tend to lean towards darkness. My babies have only been gone for a little over a month. Everything is very raw. But I’d like to think that I can get back to a place where I’m surrounded by more light. I don’t know how to get there… I guess maybe time will help, but I do know that I want my husband and I to be there.

My wedding band.

Glimmers of light through my bedroom window.

A fallen leaf.

A beautiful garden spider set between two trees.

No comments:

Post a Comment