Monday, May 30, 2011

Why Reveal All My Secrets?

Hubby & I moved from Nebraska many years ago and we did it for many reasons. The top three reasons are: we wanted a more exciting place to spend the rest of our lives (nothing against boring ol’ yellow Nebraska); we wanted to live around people that are more open-minded (my insincere apologies to small-town Nebraska); and I was sick of everyone knowing or thinking they know my business (damn gossip-hounds).

Nebraska... in all it's yellow glory.

After moving to North Carolina I became quiet & secretive. I lack a large number of friends... I keep in touch with some back home, but in general, I keep to myself.
And this is a no-brainer, but it’s hard to trust your inner-most thoughts with just anybody.
So I live the life of a loner (and I love it).

I just have to warn you... this next part is sad. It’s depressing. You might cry... I might cry. And you might feel sorry for me. But don’t... please. That always makes it worse. And I sure as hell don’t want you worrying about my mental health. That will just piss me off... and I don’t want to be mad at you.

Carrying on now...

Days became dark. Not because I was alone, but because I was diagnosed with severe infertility. Hubby and I wanted children, but couldn’t have them.

Expensive & failed medical treatments led to depressing thoughts of “what will happen to my legacy when I die?” It became all too real... when I die who will remember me? Who can say they knew me? Did I pass on any information? Who will make my favorite recipes? Who learned how to sew from me? Who was touched by my presence on this earth? Without children, who will carry on my name & heritage?

I only came up with one bleak answer... no one.

Now, listen up, I haven’t completely given up on having kids. I hope it will still happen, but I’ve decided that I’m too cool/awesome/bad-ass to go down in history as “just some lady... nothing to look at here... move along... just some dead lady.”

So why am I revealing all my secrets? Because I gotta tell someone... just in case.

Now stop your sniveling... we’re gonna learn how to make muffins or something.

Approximately 6.1 million couples in the United States have difficulty conceiving. That's like... a lot.

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